Learning To Love Oneself: Loving Without Reservation


No the title does not refer to hotel accommodations! To love without reservation method to love completely, fully, without suspicion or distrust, kindly, compassionately and consciously. So many people fall in lust instead of love, or fall in love with the idea of who they think the loved one is. That kind of love is so different from Real love that it is not already a pale comparison. To love consciously is to love with one’s eyes wide open, knowing the faults and foibles of the other person and loving them nevertheless. To give love fully one must also love oneself the same way…can you do that? Can you love yourself fully, completely and consciously, knowing all of your faults, foibles and failures?

Most people have no idea about how any of that makes any sense-unfortunately. The problem with love is that we all want it so much and however it is what we are most afraid of. We want the other to give us complete, unconditional, amazing love but we balk at opening our hearts to receive that kind of love. In a penny-pinching manner we slowly open the coin-purse of our hearts, as it squeaks and releases tiny moths. The moths of self-doubt, fear of failure, fear of rejection, betrayal, anger, heart-ache, depression; they don’t go far. Those moths fly around, waiting for the first hint that the heart will allow them back in.

All of the past pain that has ever caused heart-ache can be called back in an moment, whenever the situation already slightly resembles what occurred in the past. The person may be nothing like the past one who caused the pain but will suddenly be treated as if they are one and the same. Ouch-nothing good comes of such things. To love honestly is a different matter and involves complete honesty within in addition as with the other person. Dealing with another in truth and honorably brings love to a much deeper level. It is only with that degree of thoroughness that real love can bloom because it removes any doubts and fears.

Not everyone is ready for such commitment to truth, already within themselves. To find one willing to give at that level is so confusing to most people that they run in the other direction…unless that is exactly what they are looking for. When two such people find each other the relationship becomes a real-lasting-ship…of Love. The only way to prepare for such a thorough love is to love oneself deeply-to know the Self so fully and completely that one is ready to proportion that thoroughness of love with another.

©2010 Dr.Valerie Olmsted All Rights Reserved

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