Life Insurance Agents Jokes – Insurance Jokes and Retirement Humor
Wipe that frown off your confront. With insurance selling you must regularly use motivation for yourself and for talking with clients. Give yourself a shot of some humor medications to get your day started on the right track. Kick back and enjoy some insurance jokes. After a tough day, a little chuckle or already a grin can help make your sometimes difficult career a little happier.
1. Three Wishes A life insurance financial advisor walking along the beach finds a rare strange shaped bottle. He rubs it trying to read the label. immediately a honest-to-goodness Genie appears. The Genie puzzles him by announcing, I will grant you three wishes, but because I fear Satan, every wish I grant you, your biggest competitor will get double. Before speaking, and being a financial advisor, he pondered how this could work in his favor.
First wish was for $20,000,000 cash. Granted said the genie and your competitor has $40,000,000 in cash The 2nd wish was for the highest quality Ferrari. immediately a new Ferrari drives up next to this huge stack of cash. The Genie replies, 2 new Ferraris will be arriving at your competitors business within minutes. Now the insurance financial takes a long pause, not wanting his competitor to end up ahead of him. He finally tells the Genie that he is ready for his last wish.
What is your last which? the Genie asks him, then reminds him the request will be double for his competitor. The insurance financial advisor answers. I want to donate one of my kidneys for transplant.
2. KEEP IN SHAPE Life insurance agents always tell you to keep in shape You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Shes 97 today and we dont know where the hell she is. by Ellen DeGeneres
3. LEARNING INSURANCE TRICKS A new life insurance salesperson needing a raise turns to his successful vacuum salesperson friend. His buddy says, Selling is easy, you dont already need leads, you just have to get their attention first. He tells the life insurance salesperson to come along with him.
Both salesman appear at an elderly ladys old home. Before allowing the woman to speak, the vacuum salesperson rushes into the living room and throws a huge bag of nasty dirt all over her clean carpet. He confidently says, If this new vacuum doesnt pick up every bit, then Ill eat all the dirt. The woman, loses her patience, saying, Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?
4. SURVIVAL AWARD An insurance agent was completing an application and got to the part on health history. He asked his client how his grandfather died. This was his clients startling answer. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
5. PREMIUM PAYMENTS A life insurance in its mail bin receives a disinctive observe along with a blank premium payment slip. In the observe the lady mentions that unfortunately it is necessary to cancel her husbands life insurance policy. She writes, we have always paid it in time. But since my husbands sudden death, due to financial hardship, she will not be able to pay it anymore.
6. RETIRED INSURANCE AGENT A retired insurance agent, now in his mid 70s, is on the operating table awaiting anesthesia before heart surgery. He insists that only his son, a surgeon perform the operation. He signals to his son. His son asks, Yes Dad what is it?. The retired agent responds, Dont be jittery, just perform your best, if something fails remember your mother will live with you and your wife the rest of her days.
7. PERSISTENT AGENT The business owner turns to the life insurance agent and says, You ought to feel very honored about getting the chance to speak with me. He continues, So far today I had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents! The agent replies, I know, Im them.
8. THREE ELDERLY MEN Three retired men were talking, one a former insurance executive, another a minister, and the third a retired hairstylist. The subject came up on what their grandchildren might say about them 40 years from now. The insurance executive declared, I would like to remember how successful he was at selling insurance. Next the minister said, I want them to say he was a loyal family man. The hairstylist then replied, Me?, I want them all to say he certainly looks good for his age.
9. LATE PROPOSAL Good ole Charlie, now aged 86, was content living in a nursing home in Miami, Florida. After meeting, Martha Jean, aged 78, he became happier by the day. ultimately he fell in love with her. Finally he got enough courage, plopped down on his knees, and told her there were two things we needed to ask her.
Martha Jean smiles and replied, Alright, ask me.. Charlie, almost sounding like he was in pain , said Will you marry me? Very delighted, Martha Jean hollered out, Yes! The she asked Charlie what his second question was. Charlie managed to squeak out, Martha Jean, will you please help get me up?
10. EARLY RETIREMENT After sampling the habits of 1,000 insurance sales people that retired while nevertheless in their fifties, these founding were announced. They spent 10% of their time doing some form of work, another 10% eating, drinking, or snacking, 35% sleeping or napping, and 45% of their time looking for things that they just had a minute ago.
11. When it the best time to start thinking about your retirement? Answer: Before your boss does.
12. What does a government retiree miss most about no longer having a job? Answer: Not being able to call in sick six or seven times a month.
13. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but allow him two or three days to complete the job.
14. The question isnt at what age I want to retire, its at what income. George Foreman
15. There is an enormous of number of managers who have retired on the job. Peter F Drucker
You can find more in a past article on top laughter insurance jokes. Additional material is contained in another article on clean insurance agent jokes.